the painful truth

Since it seems like a bit of drama has stirred up recently, I figured I would say my piece. I started this blog in October of last year because I had a lot of stuff on my mind, was bored, and needed a place to put it. I feel as that looking back over the past posts I have written show a great deal about how I felt during those times. Some stuff hasn’t changed, some stuff has.

I obviously understand that no part of the Internet is some private little world that even google can’t touch. I also didn’t write anything for the sole purpose of someone I mentioned in a post to hopefully some day see it. It wrote what was on my mind, the way I saw it.

If you think anything I wrote is half-truths, misrepresentations, exaggerations, or just plain lies, than you’ve obviously been oblivious to the way things were and still are. Yes, I understand sarcasm, I understand jokes, I even occasionally make jokes myself, however there were many things I was unhappy about, along with many things that were not taken as jokes. By reading these posts you can see what they were and you can see how I saw things. I am sure with many of them, the way I saw things was different than how the people involved saw them, maybe they meant for things to be taken a different way, maybe they thought it was just a joke. But either way, the truth still remains, and although you may feel offended or possibly even somewhat hurt now, I felt much worse over the course of the last year.

I felt like shit when the majority of my friends decided I was too much of a pain to hang out with. I felt like shit when I was forced to make decisions about who to hang out with because of their own “half truths and misrepresentations”, and especially their own inability to take a joke. I felt like shit…even somewhat jealous when my best friend replaced me with someone that better shared his new interests. I felt like shit when I was told to leave my best friends house over a stupid fight. I felt like shit after all the things he said to me; I have no opinion of my own, I follow everyone else…etc. and then the grand finale was when none of them talked to me again for months.

Anyone at all that knows even the slightest bit about me knows that I like things to be resolved. I can’t stand issues being left open, or just plain “forgotten about”, as if they never happened. So at the reunion, when everyone just pretended nothing ever happened, how was I supposed to feel?

worse yet, after almost 7 months, when we finally try to hang out again, instead of trying to create a friendship again, we all go to a bar and then you both ignore me and try to have as little an amount of conversation as possible? it felt just like it did when things started to go downhill in October. Nothing had changed, and it was very apparent that neither of you wanted it to.

So when you sent me emails about how if you had known about this site before you would never have tried being friends again. Maybe instead you should think about if you ever even attempted to try in the first place. You didn’t try for seven months, and the disaster of a night at the bar sure wasn’t a try either. If you think anything I wrote about is not true, then call me out on it, because this is the way things happened from my side of the fence, and as I said before, I am not the only person to ever notice how things were with any of us.

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