The lies of a hungover man

Okay, I don’t really consider myself a man. Hell, as far as I am concerned, I am still like 18. Maybe younger. In any event…..

So it’s friday, I was feeling kind of tired due to my inability to go to sleep at a reasonable time all week, and the weather sucked out anyway, plus I had some stuff to discuss with my parents/sister. So, after waiting in traffic because noone knows how to drive in the rain, plus it is friday, I ditched out at the last second from going to my drum lesson. I would have been a little late anyway given the traffic conditions.

the big plan for the night was that we were going to meet up with Cheryl, Stephanie, and her boyfriend Kenny. and go to the sunset grille in Allston. Liz has tried getting me to go there like 4,000 times and it just never happened, but apparantly this was going to be the day.

To make it even better, Cheryl wanted to take a taxi there, so none of us had to drive. So we go to Cheryls house, and call for 2 taxis. The first one comes long before the second, so Stephanie, Kenny, and Janelle get in that one, and me John, and Cheryl wait for the next one to come, why and I telling this? because John said the funniest thing ever (at least for the next week). When he shut the door for Janelle, john says he loves her to her.
Then, as the taxi pulls away:

Cheryl (laughing): You say “I love you”?
John (very seriously): Yeah…..I married her…..she isn’t a whore.

hahahaha, oh man it was funny.
(on a side note, it was decided later that you can in fact say I love you to a whore)

So we get to the Sunset Grille, and look at the beer menu (which had 112 beers on tap, and 400 bottled) I decided to find the strongest (alcohol wise) beer, so I asked the waiter which one was the strongest, and he tells me it is the Eisbock Kulmbacker EKU 28, which is supposed to be around 15%. He then tells me “but its really hard to drink” but I took that as a challenge. The beer comes, and at first taste, it isn’t that bad, but shortly after, its damn nasty. I let everyone try it and the faces people made as they recoiled in horror validated that I had definately made the right beer choice. I tried a couple other ones, we ate some food, then the bill came, and for all of us, including Katie (the girl on the party bus that was yelling at me for not remembering her name) and some friend of Kennys (which I already forget his name again for the 3rd time) both of which arrived later, the bill was like $112. That seems cheap to me since we had gotten a LOT of food, plus plenty of drinks.

Now the story should be getting a little better…

We then go upstairs to the big city (I think that was what it was called) and get some more drinks and play foosball. I have never played foosball before, and although we scored a couple times, John and Janelle kicked our asses. Cheryl was on my team. I went wandering around to find air hockey, because air hockey is the best thing ever created, and they didn’t have any! I went and looked for a waitress, and asked her what the hell their problem was….well actually I asked her “where are the air hockey tables” then she sadly said they didn’t, and we had a nice little conversation about how air hockey is much better than pool.

We then leave, but instead of taking taxis back, we all pile into Kennys friends car. I think it was a subaru station wagon type deal, but in the state I was in, I was lucky I even remember that I was in a car. For some reason, I volunteered to take the back, where there is no seat, and had to lay down so “the cops didn’t see me”. Next thing I know, there is no room up from with the normals for Kenny, so he had to stay in the back with me. It was a VERY small back, had Kenny been a girl, it would have been a sweet deal, but instead I got to basically spoon with a guy. I think I decided instead to turn around and be wedged face first against the back seat.

the car ride TOOK FOREVER. it never ended. I think we drove to Niagra Falls on the way back to watertown. Thats how long it took. Finally we get to Cheryls house, I sit down, and things drastically went downhill immediately.

The alcahol was now fully absorbed into my bloodstream, and my body was very angry with the choices I had made that night. First, in typical Mike fashion, I pass out, which isn’t the biggest deal, because I do that everywhere now, even when not drunk. I think I might have some kind of sleeping problem, or maybe its because I dont have a normal sleeping schedule?

Next thing I know, I am awake, and walking towards the door. I feel like its time to return the beer I drank to where it came from. The ground. It always comes down to the circle of life.

So I go outside to the back yard, and throw up. It was a real fun time. Then I spend some time trying to get at various windows, because I was thinking of the hilarity that would ensue if someone looked out the window and saw someone staring back at them. That plan failed, and I go back inside to go to the bathroom (which is upstairs). I come back down, and everyone is all suprised that I was upstairs, and amazed that I was even in the house, and John and Janelle were saying “oh, there you are!” like I had wondered off somewhere or something..

Apparantly what had REALLY happened, was that I passed out, John decided it was time to go home, and he woke me up, told me to walk to my car, and they were going to say bye to people then meet me there. Keep in mind it was raining out. So, I walk to the door as instructed, but instead of going to my car, I took a left and threw up in the back yard. Then was messing around trying to scare people in the windows. While I was doing that, John and Janelle had left and walked over to my car, expecting me to be sitting in it. When I wasn’t there, they thought that in my drunk state, I decided to go on an adventure or something, and so were trying to find me. Meanwhile, I went back in the house, apparantly unnoticed, and went to the bathroom (in the bathroom of course). When John and Janelle came back looking for me, as far as everyone had known, I had left. Then all of a sudden I was coming down the stairs. So we then really leave.

John obviously drove us home, since he tends to be the more responsible one when it comes to things of that nature, and I of course passed out on the way home. Apparantly my chainsaw snore started up, and made sure everyone else was awake the rest of the way home.

When we got to Johns house, I apparantly looked real content sleeping where I was, so John buckled me into the passenger seat, and they went inside to go to bed. I am guessing this was at around 2am.

Next thing I know..

I wake up
I am frigging real confused
I am apparantly in my car, but why?
Noone else is with me
I look at my phone, and its 4:00am
I have 5 missed calls, all from my house.

Now I start to process all this, and I come to the conclusion I am at Johns house, they went to bed, and I stayed out here for some reason. Which is actually really funny. When I talked to John on the phone today, I told him it would have been hilarious if he parked my car like in the sand dunes near his house and left me there. I would have woken up and spent a half hour trying to figure out where the hell I was.

So now, its saturday, I have the worst hangover ever (maybe not ever) and I had to wake up at 8:00 to meet up with my fathers friend (and my father) and his son to let them into my work to do the construction on the A/V studio. I woke up at 8:45 instead, and had to stop by the vets office, because some moron there gave my dog the wrong prescription, then get into boston, to make matters worse, the exit in the tunnel to get to my work was closed, and I have to go around the world to get to congress st. So, push comes to shove, I show up almost 2 hours later than I was supposed to, they were all VERY happy with me, I had a nice headache, was barely awake, and was capable or projectile vomiting at any moment.

I actually did throw up too, luckily I made it to the bathroom. On top of that, I had to call the buildings main office because it wreaked of natural gass outside the building, and in the lobby, and as far as I knew, the building was going to blow up any minute. So I had to stay conscious long enough for them to page James the maintenance guy, who then had to come in, and check it out, and then tell me “it was fine, and we had the gas company here before to check it out” so basically, something is leaking natural gas sleeper street, allegedly its not my works building, but those people that smoke outside every day might be in for a suprise on monday.

After that was all over, I took a nap at my desk (for once it was actually okay). I slept through them using saws, and a nail gun. Those nail guns are loud, they use basically real bullets to shoot the nail into concrete, so it sounds like a gunshot every time you use it. I actually have ringing in my ears constantly from me being stupid with one when I was like 10.

In any event, Mcdonalds is the savior of the world. After a nice puke, a nap, and a feast of horrendously bad for you food, I now feel once again like a hero

But once again I was saying the lies of every hungover man. While your puking, while you feel like puking, and as your head throbs, you always say why did I drink so much? I am never doing that again! I feel like crap! why was I so stupid?

But, who believes anything a drunk guy says? I guess we will find out when the next beer is near me.

Leave a Comment