Tons ‘O Fun

So this weekend, I had things to do pretty much at every moment. This means sit down and get ready to read a while. I placed certain key phrases throughout this post, and at the end you win a prize, so make sure you read everything.

On friday, I book it out of work as close to 5:00 as I can to make it to my drum lesson at 6:30. I break a few seed records on the commute home, and managed to get to my house, pick up everything I forgot to bring with me in the first place, burn a CD with a song on it I wanted to learn, and “speed” through rush hour traffic to get to Daddys Junky Music where my lessons are.

Although I am not a big Foo Fighters fan, I heard “My Hero” on XM like on Monday of last week, and it had been stuck in my head all week. Coincidentally enough, I got a drum transcription book for I think christmas last year of all the good Foo Fighters songs, so I spent a little while here or there learning it, but my drum teacher makes it a lot easier to pick up. There is no relevance to this part of the story, but I felt like writing it down, so fuck you if you didn’t like it.

Now for the slightly interesting part. As you may (or may not have read) I am real insane about Christmas stuff, and although my brother is the easiest person on earth to buy stuff for , since if it is something I would like, chances are he would too, I though it would be cool to get him a not-piece-of-shit acoustic guitar, since he doesn’t have one, and just has his electric guitar. I figured maybe i could find a used one, or maybe find a generous soul, so while after my lesson, being in essentially a used guitar store, I figured it would be a great place to start (even though they are a bunch of communists, and on top of that rip you off on EVERYTHING). So I go up to the moron behind the counter, and say this basically exact line: “Hi, I am looking for a not too crappy, but not too awesome USED ACOUSTIC ELECTRIC guitar for a present for someone, what type of price ranges do the ones you have run?”

the dip shit tells me this: “well, you’ll probably find a much better deal getting a new one, we actually have a good deal on a blah blah with a case for $199″ At this point I was so overwhelmed by his stupidity, I had to find out what he was talking about, because he was making no sense, so I ask him if its on display anywhere. He shows me one that is “just like it, but the package he was telling me about didn’t have the electric pickup on it”

what?!!?!??? huh?!?!?

Lets see. I asked for:
1) a used guitar
2) a userd ELECTRIC ACOUSTIC guitar
3) a cheap one

Now, I know in the scheme of guitars, $199 is real cheap, but I had already looked around the store, and had seen some guitars of various forms new and used, for $199 and less. But that isn’t the big problem. He completely ignored everything I said, and showed me some random shitty guitar that he probably gets a commyission on. The guitar was on display right next to the door.

dumbass! nevertheless, he is now in my trunk to provide my tire traction for when it snows.

On to later friday night……..

As soon as I left Daddys Junky Music, I meet up with John/Janelle at their house, and we go get food at fuddruckers, because that place is great, and we can all laugh at Puccia because there is no Fudds in Colorado, AIR FORCE BOY! mwahahahahaha. Can’t fly your plane with a nice juicy Fudds hamburger now can you? Then we headed on into Boston to go to the Harp, which is one of the only bar type places we ever go to. One of the reasons we went there was because The Zoo was playing, and they are normally a fun time. They also decided to get the stupidest domain name imaginable. who actually buys a .cc name?

Anyway, we left super early since if you get there before a certain time, the cover is free (it ended up being $5, which is cool enough) As I have probably wrote before, I HATE the T for a number of reasons:
1) it reminds me of when my license was suspended because Massachusetts is run by insurance companies.
2) The T is a germ filled diseasefest, and I was sick enough this week. The though of accidentally touching one of those slimy gross polls makes me want to puke right now.
3) I hate being on someone elses clock. Why wait for a ride, or have to make sure you don’t miss the last train when I have a car?

so, we drove in and figured we could find a spot somewhere…of course we didn’t expect that huge building with the words “Fleet Center” on it actually being used for something, and there was no spots anywhere. We actually went a long ways away from The Harp and still couldn’t find a free spot, so, even though in a driving induced haze, John was considering the idea of parking at Wellington Station and taking the T in, I decided to give in and pay the $25 to park in one of those stupid garages. I said I would pay the whole price because it was my decision to park in the garage instead of going on the DiseaseTrain, but that didn’t work out at all…

We get to the harp, and I forgot to go to the ATM, but I remembered there being one inside, so I ask John to spot me the cover charge. So that was his first chance, and he wouldn’t take the $5 back after I went to the ATM. Then he goes and gets the 3 of us beers, and won’t take my money for that either, so I was trapped! it shouldn’t matter, but I just don’t like people paying for me. I feel like an ass, that might be just more proof that I am mental though.

So now, we got there damn early, and the place was pretty empty, and I stupidly wore my light jacket, which now needed to go away, because as always, I was hot (both in the looks and the temperature dept) So I go downstairs to “check my jacket” since I was pretty sure I remembered them having a place to do that, and, to go to the bathroom.

Whenever I go to a public bathroom, inevitably there is some horrible and/or funny event that happens, and this was no exception. I noticed some girl was waiting outside of the bathroom by herself, and I go inside. I don’t see anyone inside, and go along with my business. Mid-stream I hear a real pleasant sound from coming from one of the stalls. Obviously some guy had some taco bell before he came, and lets just say it wasn’t coming out real clean. I laughed to myself, washed my hands, and got out before the cloud came towards me. So this is the real funny part. The girl was still waiting outside, and the only people in the bathroom was me and Shit Break. So that means that the girl was waiting outside while her boyfriend took a massive dump….hahaha….hahaha. Its nice to be me on occasion. That was one of them. Then I head over for what looked like the coat check counter, which is after the pay phones. When I get to the pay phones, some girl says loudly “Mike?” in a voice like, oh look, its mike, I havn’t seen him in years!. I turn around to see who it is, and its someone that doesn’t even look vaguely familiar. She is talking on a cell phone, but is looking at me with smile. Now, I stand there, and think to myself, she either:
a) recognizes me from somewhere, but is on the phone
b) just called a Mike and is happy to hear him

fearing option B, but hoping for option A, I think I looked at her, probably made a face, and said me? or something like that. I got no reaction at all, and decided to bail, ditching the plan to go to the coat check counter. I might have even ran back up the stairs. I go back over to John and Janelle, with a look on my face that was a combination between the bathroom scene, and the random girl scene. I tell them it all, they laugh at me, and then John says, hey, look, Heidi Nelson is here, and points to the girl coming up the stairs. That was the girl that said Mike when I was downstairs. The funny thing though, is that I havn’t seen Heidi Nelson probably since she was in my CCD class in like 6th grade, and she obviously looked real differant now, but still, I have no idea if she was talking to me or not. So I decided to pretentd it never happened, so we continued to drink a bit, and wait for Suzanne and the friends she said she gathered up. The Zoo started playing at around 10:30, and I had my normal conversation with Katie the Bartender, pretty much as I have every other time I went there. I got a free drink though, and thats always great. Suzanne never ended up showing up, we had enough at like 11:30 I think, and we called it a night.

I was wide awake when I got home, finally cleaned up my drumset so I could get it out of the way into it gets moved into the new practice space in South Boston I am supposedly getting into, watched the Born Identity, and then watched Rocky IV for the 300th time well, most of it before I finally fell asleep.

Then onward to Saturday…

Saturday was Christmas tree day. I pushed my family to make sure we went early in the day because I was going to try to go to connecticut later that day to see Ashley and her apartment. So right at 12, all of the Devlin family except for Bethaney piled into my fathers truck (including my sisters boyfriend) and headed up to some place in West Newbury. I guess one of the years I didn’t get to go with my family they went to this place, because I had never been there before. It kind of took some of the fun out of cutting down your own christmas tree, because guys on tractors and 5/6 wheelers were patrolling around carting people and trees around after they cut down their tree. You didn’t get a sled, and there was no snow on the ground…so…it still doesn’t feel like christmas. We had get 2 trees, one for Alissa/Her boyfriends house, and one my our house. Her boyfriend brought a tape measure with him, which made me laugh, because basically, everyone would say look at this tree. then I would come over, say the thing sucked, pick out all the flaws, and meanwhile he would be measuring how tall it is. I am really insane about the trees, and try to find the perfect one, so everything sucked. After Alissa and her boyfriend found their tree, I said I would cut it down, because I am weirdo, and hacksawed away. I somehow managed to cut the truck almost below the dirt. I think I should have won a prize. Then the psycho on the 6 wheeler drives up, grabs the tree, makes a crack about how I forgot to use the “pull start” on that saw, and then put his hand way too close to my crotch to make sure I got his crappy joke. Then we split up to find a tree for our house. Me, my brother, and my sisters boyfriend (who is also a Mike) went off looking, and Eric found a tree and says “how about this one?” it it was all retarded an mutilated on one part. I was in a good mood, which is an oddity when I am with my family and said to Eric “that tree is crap! what is wrong with you Eric?!?” then Michael said the same thing and Eric started to get sad because he picked a crappy tree. It was way more amusing than it should be. Meanwhile, far away in a section we had already deemed as crap (the joke was that they were all irridiated since they were under these massive high power lines) the rest of my family found a tree, and some weird guy and his family wanted to have a “bidding war” over it. Alissa, being the wierdo she is, said to him “how about we fight over it instead” and put her hands up and probably would have backed her words up if the chance arose. The guy obviously walked away, and after I spent another 10 minutes trying to find a better one, I cut that sucker down and we headed down to pay for them. I made sure to eat as much free fruit cake and hot cocoa as I could. Its my little way of making their profit margin a little smaller. In my head they lost like $1 just because of me. Then we headed home.

for “timing reason” I wasn’t “allowed” to leave towards CT until I received a call giving me the go ahead. So I had a couple of hours to kill, and decided to try to make a power adapter for my awesome radar detector. The power adapter broke a while back and I never ordered a new one. So I go into radio shack, buy a phone cord, a wire stripper (my old one broke), and a empty cigarette lighter adapter. I figured I could make it work, because it my head, the radar detector used a phone cord type plug. So I sat in the parking lot in my car cutting the phone cord apart. I had to use a pocket knive I forgot Ihad in my glove box (thanks John for refusing to let me buy one at Galyans) I rigged it together, plug it in, and BAM! nothing. I failed. the detector didnt even use a phone connector. It had 8 pins in it, so it must have been like one of those PBX phone connectors or something…i dunno. Then I went to newbury comics and bought some weird stuff to listen to in the car. I am getting sick of all my old CD’s.
This is what I got:
1) the new CD my Diecast. I hear them on XM occasionally, plus they are a Boston based band.
2) African drum/percussion music
3) a string quartet’s tribute to Slayer
4) a random Iron Maiden CD.

By then Ashley called me and gave me the go ahead, and I headed off.

I went to burger king to get some food, started up my GPS thing, because I am a loser, and then made sure all my directions were in order. I printed out directions from, because even though they are the same directions shitty mapquest gives. Yahoo reformats them so that they make some sense. I also had directions from Ashley over the phone, but I wanted to be sure. I’ll tell you, its real odd hurtling into boston towards the mass pike listening to a bunch of people playing violins and cellos do their own rendition of bloodline, and 9 other Slayer songs. Anyway, I make it to Hamden without any problems or wrong turns, and end up taking the right one street before hers. Damnit, i was so close to making a perfect trip!

Now for the fun…

I get there, and its a whole house! I don’t think that was ever mentioned before, but it was pretty awesome, so I get a tour of the place, and meet a couple of her rommates (there are 5 including her, but 1 wasn’t there that weekend) and I had my normal problem with not being able to remember anyones names for the life of me. Luckily no situations came up where specific names were needed. there were plenty of rooms there, plus two levels, and then I saw the most horrid sight imaginable. part of the house was a two car garage. an empty two car garage! I shed a tear for John, who still has his VW in his parents back yard under a tarp tent, and spent 3 years in the blistering heat and the freezing cold trying to get the car done, granted I did too on my truck, and didn’t have a tent at all, but my truck wouldn’t fit in a garage that size anyway. But a 1984 Buick Regal could have! ahhhhhhh! the car could have still lived! all I have left is pictures, and the smell of burnt rubber. But alas, what can you do but hold your head high and move on. Now I had heard that someone else had visited their place, and said one of her roommates rooms looked like a daycare center (I think that was it) and Ashleys looked like a bedroom in a porn movie. Her roommate has a big fixation on that Spongebob Squarepants dude, and there was posters and stuffed versions of him everywhere. Ashleys room had the darkest red paint I have ever seen, wall to wall too. and it had a zebra stripe carpet. It definately did kind of have a porno type of feel, but there were no naked chicks anywhere, so it wasn’t official. It also kind of reminded me of an art gallery. There was cleverly placed portraits and photographs everywhere. I think the guys on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy would be proud…..not that I ever watch that show….ahem….. It really made me laugh because My room has white walls, completely bare with the exception of a photo of earth from space, and a probably 5 foot long wooden painting of a whale about to anhiliate 2 small boats. I scored that from the building the Naked Fish on Rt 1 is in. Way way back before it was the Naked Fish, it was Unos, and before that it was some lobster place I think, and when Pizzeria Uno bought it, my father worked for Unos and I forced him to bring that home. why? I don’t know. so back to the house. Ashley gave me a brief tour of the schools campus, which looked like a miniature town, because apparantly the town of Hamdem is run by worse old ladies than Saugus is, and they won’t allow any of the buildings to be over 3 stories. so instead there is a million small buildings and dorms and townhouses and stuff. Also, the packy stores in CT close at friggin 9pm. What is that? I thought 11pm in MA was bad. I hadn’t even planned on drinking, but once that was on the table… luckily there was other stuff there.

So we head back to the house, and one of her roommates is in this Dance Company thing at the school, and her parents where there. I was warned in advance, but we walk in, and its not just parents, there was like 8 people there. Like 4 adults, some kid (maybe her brother?) and some other girl too. They were all talking about drinking and getting wasted and throwing up (conversation that I would dodge at all costs with my family, let alone my parents) then it switched over to the family talking about what to do for christmas eve, and it some how got to “Naked mini ball bowling” the Parents were loving it. Especially since noone actually ever sad naked, but they were laughing like it was great. I felt like I was in bizarro world and everything was opposites. I call 10-pin bowling “Big Ball bowling”. and they called Candlepin bowling “mini ball” and I also think “mini pin”. It was just kinda funny. I just stood there trying to become part of the wall because I am a paranoid weirdo and naked/drinking talk with my parents and siblings its reason enough for me to move out. Later on they left, then some people came over. I think it was one of the roommates boyfriends, and his brother, then 3 or 4 other people came later, but I don’t remember who they knew, but there was like maybe 11 or so people there? we all played beer pong, which I am not sure if I even heard of before.

I guess that is what I get for going to a shitty college with a bunch of weirdos, and also dropping out after a semester. I am assuming everyone reading this isnt as out of the times as apparantly I am, so I am assuming everyone knows what it is. While they were setting it up/playing the first game, Ashley was showing me what alcohol there was, there was like maybe a little more than a shots worth of some kind of vanilla smelling vodka, and a bottle of “99 apples” I decided against the whole mixed drink deal, and filled my cup (I think it was one of those really big plastic cups you get from like taco bell, but I thought it was the best thing ever) maybe 1/3 full with the rest of that vodka, and then the 99 apples stuff and just drank that. I think it somehow smelled like Isopropyl Alcohol, but it didn’t taste that bad. So then I watch the game. Ashley played with her roommate against the 2 guys next, and the guys where really good at getting the ping pong balls in the cups. Somehow it ended up that basically every time they got a ball in a cup, and Ashley was supposed to drink the beer that was in it (they were standard red keg cups, but only like a quarter filled with bud light) she would hand it to me and I would drink it. Then next game I played against the 2 guys with her roommate (Jackie) I could remember her name only because whenever I hear that name, I think of Boston St, and my next door neighbors niece that was always there (named Jackie) buying coke and i think whoring herself out, so that name is ruined for life. So its unfortunate for this Jackie, because thats immediately what flashes in my head, but she was cool, and seemed hospitable too, also we wern’t at boston st. Noone was snorting coke, and there wasnt a bunch of losers on stage mutilating really good 80’s songs, so its all good. Anyway… As with most things I sucked at the game I think I got the ball in maybe twice that game, but most likely once, so there was a lot of drinking for me yet again. Then I go and make myself another drink, this time it was “99 apples on the rocks” I come back out, and this magical big tin of popcorn was there. It was one of those things that has like a 3 part divider in it, and had like caramel popcorn, regular popcorn, and maybe chedder flavored popcorn. I was eating from it, and I guess one of the guys there who’s name was “Rich” reached over to get some popcorn, and according to him and everyone else (I found this out after I left) I said to him, probably in a slurred voice “oh you want some popcorn? here…have some popcorn” and I shoved the whole container at him. I don’t remember doing that, but it seems like something I would do. He might have been the kid that was wearing gold sneakers, but I am not sure.
So then I decide I want a rematch at this beer bong game. So Jackie for some reason decides to be on my team, and we play against her boyfriend (is that Rich? I don’t know) and his brother. One of the rules of the game is that if they bounce the ball, and it still lands in a cup, you have to drink 2 cups, but also, if they bounce it, your allowed to try to grab/block the ball. Jackie keeps yelling at me to “do something” because I really really did suck at the game, and I wasn’t even sure if she was really getting mad, so I had it set in my mind if the chance came, I was going to frigging nail that ball. Thankfully we were doing so bad that we only had 3 cups left on the table, because of them decided to bounce the ball, and then everything went in slow motion. I saw the ball coming, I saw Jackie wasn’t going for it, i reached in and swung at the ball like the world was coming to an end. I don’t even think I made contact with the ping pong ball, but I did managed to make contact with all 3 of the remaining cups, making them go flying everywhere. Everyone laughed, almost completely at me I am sure, but it was a good time. Especially since apparantly because of my “awesome” beer pong skills, and my life and death attempt to save the game at the end, Jackie actually pee’d her pants from laughing. hahaha. Like I often do when I am drunk, I decided to sit outsite for a little while and get some fresh air, then Ashley came out and i am sure I made an ass of myself a little bit more, but its all good. It was a really fun time there, and I am jelous of the fact that I don’t have a big house with a two car garage on the END of a long road with only 1 neighbor, of which is also college kids.

shortly after that, people either left or went to bed, and I slept downstairs on the spare futon there, but! I managed to not pass out the whole night, but I was given a blanket, so its nice that even when in a differant state, there is someone to fill in for Janelles duties of making sure I have a blanket and make it to a couch.

Apparantly I also “snore like a chainsaw” So I am sure that the rommate that also sleeps downstairs (behind a walls of sheets, like in the Brady Bunch movie) was real happy with me. I think she is the one girl there I can’t remember the name of at the moment. Sadly, she probably suffered the most….hahaha.

Also, to keep my record of sleeping through atomic blasts, and anything else that happens, Apparantly at around 5am, I think it was Jackies boyfriends brother maybe? I dont think any other guys were there then, but he while sleepwalking, stripped down to just his boxers, went into I guess it would be Ashleys other roommate Kerri’s (the spongebob girl)? room, and fell asleep on her pillows. so there was this big commotion to remove the almost naked guy from the room. hahahaha. thank god that wasnt me.

I am sure other things happened too, but I can’t remember them all, and I think this post already by far surpasses all my previous mega-posts in size. But, to end the trip to CT, here is a chart I generated on my computer from my GPS showing my driving speed on the way up and back. You need to click on it to read it, but take special note of the speed next to the highest peak on the way back (The second half of the chart)

By the way, in case you thought you actually could win a prize…..I lied.

for the records, I think I spent 2 hours writing this, and my keyboard is fucked up, and if I use any punctuation, weird stuff happens, and none of the arrow keys work.

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