i hate lincoln

I have never been a Ford fan. I have also never been a foreign car fan. Although GM messed up royally discontinuing the firebird and the camaro, my allegiance has always been to them. So why do you ask did I buy a Lincoln LS? which, is actually built off of the Jaguar S-something (the S is for suck) platform.

I got it because I had a few simple demands when I was looking for a “reliable”,”new” car.

1. It had to be a V8. Why? I dont like cars with a smaller engine than that. I don’t like the high engine RPMs that lower displacement engines have to reach to produce power, and I just don’t like the feel.

2. It had to be rear wheel drive, because I hate front wheel drive, and don’t believe it is actually any safer. The police (and race car drivers) have been driving rear wheel drive cars for decades, and it is for a reason.

3. It had to be american. Yes, I know I technically bought a foreign car, but at the time I thought I found a loophole. I don’t like foreign cars, I dont like the way they drive, I dont like the way they feel, and I don’t buy into the whole “foreign cars last longer” mentality. Half the foreign cars you buy these days are made down the street from Ford or GM, same type of people working on them, same technology.

So what is all this about? It’s about me getting screwed over yet again.

My car is a 2000 Lincoln LS. Granted its not brand new, its pretty damn close compared to what I used to drive. I have had problems with the lug nuts on this car since I can remember. The first time I got a flat tire, I rounded off 1 lug nut, and snapped another one in half. Apparantly I am he-man. Push comes to shove, I had to get 2 wheel studs replaced, and pry off the rounded off lug nut with a chisel, locking pliers, and a crowbar.

This brings us to the winter of 2003. Come the first snow storm, my tires were getting stuck in everything, and my car was next to undrivable (no, it was not because of rear wheel drive). So, I did the right thing and bought 4 brand spanking new, top of the line, thoroughly reviewed snow tires, mounted and balanced on brand new rims. Why brand new rims? because its $96/tire for 16″ tires, but the 17″ version (which is the rims that came with my car) cost $240/tire. I bought them from tirerack.com, and since tirerack.com is awesome, they sent the tires to my house, all ready to go, complete with new lug nuts. Shiny…regular…new….lug nuts, unlike the butter ones that came with my car. So I took my old lug nuts and tossed them. I tossed them with extreme predjudice, and possible laughed maniacally as they dropped one by one into the trash barrel.

now we reach the summer. Apparantly my awesome snow tires have the opposite effect in the rain. I would fish tail and spin out constantly, and then one day, I lost control of the car going a SLOW SPEED, and NOT DRUNK (john…) and slammed into the guard rail on route 1. So it was time to put the original tires back on. Oh! but I threw out those lug nuts. Why don’t I just use the lug nuts currently on the car you ask? because the factory rims use “special” lug nuts. You can’t buy them aftermarket. Go ahead and look. Not online, not at Autozone, not anywhere.

I tried improvising, and found some lug nuts at autozone that looked pretty damn close, but they wernt close enough, and the lug nuts would either not clamp down enough, or would gradually loosen, both of which lead to unhappy things possibly happening while driving. I was waiting to be driving down the highway and watching my front tire go flying by.

The ONLY place you can get these magical lug nuts from (and they do look weird) is from the dealership. and Those communists at the lincoln dealership have the nerve to charge $8 per lug nut! thats $40 per tire!

There is no way in hell I am going to pay $160, plus whatever bullshit labor they charge, since my car is currently at the dealership getting the 20,000th squeak looked at, for stupud lug nuts. “Regular” lug nuts cost 50 cents at autozone. 50 cents!

I can get 4 brand new tires, mounted and balanced in place of the 4 snow tires I have, for $300.

I say screw jaguar, screw the UK, screw lincoln, and screw ford.

I can’t wait until I get a garage.

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